About Me
My name is Crystal, I'm 29 years old. I live in shitty So Cal...for now...Oklahoma soon...
I Love
TEXT MESSAGES!!! Sammiches, storms, the beach, starry nights, Mew, Sigur Ros, Trembling Blue Stars, Mad Men (Esp. Christina Hendricks)
I Hate
Work, people, bitches, being woken up before 2pm, talking on the phone, did I mention work?
I'm depressed. No one fucking understands what this is like. No one. I want to be happy, but how when there's nothing to be happy about. I mean, I used to have a job, a reason to get up in the morning, I had friends, I had a life. Now, I sleep until 6 pm, and there's no one who notices or even cares. I feel like I'm on autopilot. When I have to I can fake smiles and laugh and be silly and everyone thinks I'm soooooo happy. But it's an act. In reality, I want to sink down to floor and cry. Because everything is not ok. It's not, everything I was working so hard to build is destroyed, my life is in shambles. I can't be the girl I used to be because I never knew who she was in the first place, I just feel so lost.
Maybe this has to do with my 25th b-day being just 9 days away. 25 and nothing to show for it. I've done NOTHING with my life and I'm nowhere where I thought I would be. I thought that at least I would be married and/or have a kid and I'm nowhere close to having either of those.
I'm sick, tired, depressed, and can't fucking stand it anymore. I miss Gwen, and our conversations and mocking sessions, and how we would make fun of everything. I miss Nathan and the way he would look at me, his silliness and freedom. I miss....everyone. I never knew my life would go from mildly upsetting to fucking intolerable. So far 2007 has been pretty fucking chaotic and just bad. Just like New Years Eve. Gwen was so right, New Years Eve really does determine how your year will be. But really, things have to get better right? I mean, I hit rock bottom...please tell me things will be ok, even if it's a lie...please....I need to hear it.